Sangwiches

Where I work, we sell sandwiches. The menu is simple, and for those who freeze up in indecision when looking at our whopping 16 item smorgasboard, there are a few little pictures people can point at and say "What's that one? Yeah, gimme one of those."
Although some customers don't appreciate our sense of humor, (you know, the stiffs who get all ruffled up when you say "later on homes" instead of "thank you very much sir") most people know what they're getting themselves into when they enter the store. And while these ignorant few who come in thinking we'll give service like Olive Garden can be quite a pain, they are more often than not, quite frankly, hilarious.
Some of my favorite memories from the shop are of drive-thru shenanigans, like informing the customer that "I'm sorry we're all out of 'No tomatoes,'" or asking if they want extra tuna on their italian sub. We've been known to tell people who've been standing in line during the lunch rush for 5 minutes that we're closed, only letting them in on the fact that it's all a joke after they've gotten sufficiently flustered and asked to see the manager. (Which wouldn't help anyway, as it's usually the manager messing around in the first place)

Funnier still sometimes, are the customers themselves, even without our impish pranks. My favorite customer-stumper is the Garg. We have a sandwich, the Gargantuan, which lives up to its name, containing enough meat and other fillings between its doughy exterior to feed an entire pro football team. One such story involves an order for a Garg with DOUBLE MEAT in a lettuce wrap.
Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't a sanwich with 12 times the normal amount of meat, but in a low-carb wrap seem a little counter-intuitive? My slightly inebriated coworker David sure seemed to think so: he laughed so hard he had to go to the bathroom to throw up.
Perhaps, though, the most enigmatic aspect of the Gargantuan is not it's meaty make-up, but the name itself. Now, I should interject here that my store is located in the heart of the... ahem... poorer and less educated section of town, but even with that knowledge, we like to think our patrons know how to pronounce the sandwich they intend on eating. At least twice a day, someone will order a Garganchew-ON, or a Garganchen. The first time I was on the headset and someone ordered a Garganchew-ON, the conversation went a little like this:

Me: Hi there, what can I do for you?
Customer via Drive-thru: Yeah I need a number 1, a number 4 and a Garganchew-ON.
Me: I'm, sorry I didn't get that last one, what was that?
C: A Garganchew-ON.
Me: One more time please, it's very hard to hear.
C: A Garganchew-ON!
Me: I hate to ask, but I still didn't get that. What was that last one again?
C: Y'all better stop making fun of me or I'm gonna have to come in there!

Now, the first time or two, I really didn't know what he wanted, but by the last one, I admit I just wanted to hear him say it again. My favorite however happened today, when a woman ordered a GarganTuna, and then got angry when she didn't receive tuna on her sub. "I'm sorry," I had to tell her, "but a GARGANTUAN," and I was very emphatic about the pronunciation, "doesn't come with tuna on it."
Later this afternoon, a lady asked for a Ger-ga-tron. Thankfully she didn't put up a fight when she didn't get robots on her sandwich.